Barnaby Joyce has probably been called worse things, but “a Kiwi”, now that must really hurt.
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And can you imagine how the New Zealanders feel?
Australia claims Keith Urban, Russell Crowe, the Finn brothers, Phar Lap and Clarrie Grimmett as national icons, and they get Barnaby Joyce.
Of course Barnaby did grow up on a sheep farm so he has at least one of the essential qualifications for Kiwi status.
Oh, don’t say it, don’t say Baaaanaby.
Has anyone actually heard Barnaby say “fish and chips”?
Oh please, wrap that one up in an old newspaper and bury it forever.
But seriously, Barnaby needs to embrace his inner Kiwi.
He needs to poke his tongue out and stare his tormentors in the eye.
In doing so, the Member for New England will discover many reasons to be cheerful.
Come Saturday, he can do a little “Haka” in front of the tele and watch with unrestrained pride as the All Blacks put the cleaners through the Wallabies once again.
If he gets a little bored with winning yet another Bledisloe Cup match, he can always take to wandering around Canberra reminding everyone he meets of New Zealand’s stunning America’s Cup success.
Hey, and no water stealing problems over the ditch, no way, more water than you can poke a canoe at.
But listen, it’s no laughing matter. Well, yes it is.
Another thing, New Zealanders are so friendly.
Notice how quickly the New Zealand Prime Minister confirmed Barnaby’s citizenship.
It was almost immediate.
I mean, clearly they want him back.
Hey, they have no interest in laughing it up at Australia’s expense.
They’re not interested in paying Australia back for that under-arm bowling incident back in the day.
They’re not saying, “hey, here’s a great trick we can play on our Aussie mates”.
No, they want their man.
The Island of the Long White Cloud welcomes the big deputy chief.
Brother, come on home.
Simon Bourke is a Fairfax Media journalist. He is also a born and bred New Zealander who has called Australia home for forty years. He may be a dual citizen.