'Today's the day' I told myself, as I set off with a determined outlook and 'Eye of the Tiger' playing gently in the background on my car's stereo. I'm not lying.

The thought of that one last roll growing ever leaner in my bathroom, fresh in my mind. But I must admit, having been defeated on occasions too numerous to mention on my previous outings, I was not overly confident of a win as I pulled into the carpark of a certain major supermarket chain.

My confidence dimming by the minute, as not one person I passed had any toilet paper in their trolley. Surely someone else must need it. Are these the people who've been hoarding it? Is that why they have none?

Suspicious, I approached 'the aisle'. Rounding the corner I felt nothing but relief. Thank Buddha. For there it was, the ever elusive 'paper of the toilet'. I went straight for the 'Gold' pack, because I thought that was appropriate. Twenty rolls of bliss. Twenty rolls of confidence.

Now, while I was ready to take the fight to whomever got in my way, I was far from prepared for the walk of shame that followed my success.

I'd parked my car close enough, the spot beside the door, ready for a quick getaway. Unfortunately, I had to walk all the way back through the shopping centre to get there. 'The eyes. They burn'.

I'm sure in their heads these people were thinking first: thank god there's toilet paper, I hope I can make it to 'the aisle' before it runs out again, and then, second: is she one of those toilet paper hoarders who've made it so difficult for the rest of us? I bet this isn't her first rodeo.

Talk about running the gauntlet. I'd been walking earlier in the day so I was somewhat limbered up. Lucky too.

My loo supplies safely in the back seat of my getaway vehicle, I was out of there. But rest assured people, this golden 20 pack is now under lock and key, and guarded by my trusty hounds.

It's fair to say you won't even get close!

Fiona Ferguson is editor of the Northern Daily Leader