2015 Pulse Awards
On the Pulse wishes all our readers a very merry Christmas and a happy, safe new year. Isn’t it a wonderful time of the year, with all that good cheer and good will?
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Christmas is a perfect time to reflect upon the year that was and, as always, the On the Pulse awards remain as popular as ‘Six White Boomers’ in this time of popular Christmas songs and tradition.
Adam Marshall was first off the mark last year and is so again this year.
He’s taken out the Photo-bomb Award for his seemingly supernatural ability to display his millionaire’s gapped smile in almost any photo taken by (or submitted to) this paper.
For this herculean effort Adam has won a 2015 model selfie stick. The encouragement award in this category goes to Scott Langley from Inverell East Bowling Club. Earlier in the year he vowed to get his photo published just as many times, but seemed to lose heart early on.
The Credibility Award went to Barnaby Joyce for sharing some amazing quotes obtained from Santa, via a Christmas media release last week.
Bet you didn’t know Santa had planned his trip with the help of the department of Agriculture for many years and has advised the Easter Bunny to do the same thing.
Senator John “Wacka” Williams resurfaced at the awards ceremony this year, when he took out the Popularity Award for all his hard work and co-operation with the banks.
Given the popularity of the banks in rural Australia, some accusations that the awards were in some way ‘rigged’ because the Senator tackled an easy target have been received; all protest letters and threats to the editor please.
The On the Pulse Rock and a Hard Place Award this year went to Mayor Paul Harmon. Last year people noticed when the Christmas tree in Campbell Park was only half decorated and earlier this year council’s ‘Christmas tree in the main drag’ idea was abandoned.
But now we have a 10-metre, bright blue and silver tree near the information centre, which is great, even though it has no star and cannot be seen from the other side of the bridge.
The On the Pulse Ask Bravery Award went to council general manager Paul Henry, inventor of the Henderson Street roundabout question mark. Paul displayed very little regard for his own safety when the questions rolled in.
And last, but not least, the Concerned Inverell Ratepayer’s Association gets the Left Field Forestry Award for placing a dollar value on the town’s Plane Trees, thus providing a guideline for council should they ever be talking to any interested logging company.
Double booked
As we all know, Christmas is a stressful time of year for Santa Claus. Along with getting ready for the big night, On the Pulse has spotted him all over town collecting last minute Christmas lists.
He’s definitely double-booked himself more than once, having to use what are no doubt exhausting time-stopping powers to run back and forth from event to event. However we at On the Pulse are concerned about the man.
Mr Claus, an apparent pillar of the community, has been spotted, more than once, leaning over the Empire Hotel balcony, oblivious to the world around him.
We’re not trying to cast aspersions on Mr Claus’ character, however, no matter your job title or reputation in the community, when you’re spotted slumped over a hotel balcony next to a beer sign, questions have to be asked. What’s in the milk and cookies, Santa?
Now we know Mr Claus has a high pressure job, but as this appears to have become a regular occurrence, we have reason for concern. This is a man after all, who brings unregistered animals across the border, one with a suspiciously coloured nose suggesting some sort of foreign infection.
We’re not saying he’s dangerous necessarily, but is this really a man you want stumbling around your house in the dead of night?